What to buy your enemy for their birthday

We all have that one person that if you were with in a dark alley, fisticuffs would ensue. But does that mean you should just up and ignore the day they were born? No! That would just be rude. If you hate someone that means they occupy your thoughts and, therefore, are in your lives. For good or ill. So, here is a list of gifts that you can get your arch enemy for their most special of days:

1. FU1HM06F82EZDUY.MEDIUM A sharp stick they can cram in their eye. Always a classic. What says happy birthday more than eye injury? You also have the added bonus of having an enemy with an eye patch, which jumps up your cool meter like 10000%

2. lava Lava. Not only will there be a good chance that your enemy will burn themselves, leaving them horrible disfigured, but when it hardens it will be really difficult to get out of their carpet.

3. human_rabies Let’s face it. your foe has been acting like they have had it for years anyway, why not give them the real deal?

4. jacks 1000000+ jacks spread all over you enemies house. You kids today whine endlessly about stepping on legos, but when I was a wee lad, these were the fuckers you had to watch out for.

That’s a pretty good start to get you going. Remember, no one wants to be forgotten on their birthdays, not even your enemies. Give them something that will keep them in your lives for a long, long time.


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