I couldn’t bring myself to tell you this in person, but it’s just not working out. This morning I woke up and it was five degrees outside. Five. I am cold to the bone and I just can’t handle it anymore. I am unhappy. While you are outside running around, making everything look pretty with your friends, Frost and Snow, I am sitting inside alone and shivering. Every night I go to bed in a room where I can see my breath. You are outside freezing puddles or whatever it is you do. I have had it. I’m done.
It was wonderful when we first got together, you showed me a new world filled with picturesque landscapes and snowcones. Then you started going out. I caught you letting strangers catch you on their tongues, no thought at all as to how that would affect me. Then you started to get vengeful. You froze my pipes. I can’t even do a wash! Goddamnit, I have stinky socks. Do you care? No. You are too busy making the roads horrible to drive on.
I used to love you, winter. I really did. I have such fond memories of you and I together as children, sledding and throwing snowballs at cars. I guess we just grew apart. That still doesn’t mean you should try to kill me by making my car skid into a pole.
I guess that I should bring up the fact that I am seeing someone else. Her name is Hawaii. She is never cold. She brings me drinks served in coconuts. Her sunsets take your breath away. She encourages people to wear shorts and t-shirts all year long. She smells like flowers and I love her. We are running away together.