Transmissions from a cubicle Volume 3: Hawaii or Bust

Alice and I were sitting around last night watching this show about people from Illinois moving to Hawaii. If people from my enemy state of Illinois can move to paradise, I asked, why can’t we?


Hawaii is beautiful.

So, we started talking. Why not move to Hawaii? This has been bouncing around my head all day. I’ve been trying to come up with a decent list of pros and cons. Here ya go. Any thoughts on said list would be appreciated.

Pro Idaho:

  • We have a very, very nice house that we love.
  • Snow is pretty.
  • I can catch trout in the Boise River.
  • People are, in general, very nice.

Pro Hawaii

  • Hawaii is a group of islands surrounded by the ocean.
  • The average temperature in Hawaii is 75-80f.
  • Hawaii has fire tornadoes. That’s right. Tornadoes made out of fire.
  • Hawaii has the best Hawaiian food in the world.
  • I could fish for sharks in the ocean.  I COULD FISH FOR FUCKING SHARKS IN THE  FUCKING OCEAN!
  • It’s considered manly to wear a necklace of flowers.
  • Kahlua Pork
  • Hawaii smells delicious.
  • Hawaii has badass volcanoes
  • You can ride turtles in the ocean.
  • Hula dancers.
  • Tropical fruit based cocktails.
  • Lizards. Everywhere.
  • The disc golf courses are on mountaintops and in lush rainforests.

Idaho Cons:

  • It is freezing here and Alice won’t let me turn the heat on.
  • Mormons.
  • Conservative Republicans.
  • A complete and utter lack of decent Chinese food.
  • Idaho minimum wage is $7.25
  • No ocean. At all.
  • Goat heads.
  • Football people.

Hawaii Cons:

  • Dog the bounty hunter lives there.

I do believe that the scales are beginning to tip in Hawaii’s favor.



4 responses to “Transmissions from a cubicle Volume 3: Hawaii or Bust

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