Free Market Atrocities Volume 1: Wal*Mart Cat Toys

Good morning and Happy New Year. 

Today I bring you the first edition of Free Market Atrocities. My new, sporadic, column where we explore things that you can buy, but probably shouldn’t. 

In our first edition we will take a look at a cat toy that I bought at Wal*Mart. Before you all start writing letters about the injustices of shopping there…I know. I get it. They don’t pay insurance, they are terrible for small business, on and on. I get it. I am poor. Sometimes, in order for us to eat all week we have to make an exception to my values. I don’t like it. But my family not starving comes first.

Alice and I decided we weren’t buying Christmas presents for anyone this year. We just couldn’t afford it. But we wanted to get something nice for our five cats. Because we are insane. Once again, I know. I saw a stocking full of cat balls with bells in them. $2.50 on clearance. Score! Right?



What the fuck kind of sadist puts medieval puncture spikes on things that will be lying around on the floor?  I really sat back and tried to piece together the logic on this one. Would they make the ball roll better? No. No they would not. Do they add grip for the cat? I cannot see how. Do they add to the aesthetic of the toy? Normally, I would say yes but, in truth, they are kind of hard to see. Will they tear into your bare feet when you are stumbling out of the bedroom at 3 am to pee? 

Yes. Yes they fucking will. 

So here’s to you Mr. sadistic Wal*Mart cat toy maker.

Well played.



2 responses to “Free Market Atrocities Volume 1: Wal*Mart Cat Toys

  1. and another thing, the bell will make so much noise u wont be able to sleep or wake u up when the cats play with it. hopefully the cats will see it for what it is, a thing that humans think they will like, the fools, and ignore it. lol

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