Two minute movie review: The Amazing Spiderman


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The Amazing Spider-man, Blue-ray 2012. Staring a bunch of people who don’t matter. Except for Dennis Leary and Emma Stone. I kinda like them.

Fuck you Hollywood.

Fuck you in the ass with a sharp stick.

Fuck you, up to the elbow, with a cactus.

I am sooooo tired of you getting a property and then changing a characters canon because it moves along your wretched interpretation of a story. Why has Spider-man survived as long as he has? Because his story is pretty interesting. We know what he can do and what he can’t do. We know what drives him. We know that his parents were secret scientists working for Harry Osbourne….wait a minute. We don’t know that at all. Because that isn’t true. You just were unable to show grief without purpose. Everything you show has to move the plot along. Everything has to tie up in a nice little bow.

Fuck you and your nice little bow.

THIS IS A GODDAMN MOVIE ABOUT A GUY THAT DRESSES UP IN A SPANDEX OUTFIT AND FIGHTS BAD GUYS. Let us have that. That is what we paid for.  We don’t want War and Peace here. We don’t need to know exactly how everything works. Most importantly, we don’t need you adding to a characters history that doesn’t make sense.

The guy that played Peter Parker was o.k. He came off as a young Italian stereotype more than anything else. Sally Field deserves the “Biggest Talent Wasted in a Movie” award for 2012. Emma Stone was watchable. Dennis Leary played Dennis Leary. I happen to like that. Some do-some don’t. The guy that played the Dr Connors was o.k. if a bit one dimensional. The two computer animated characters that played Spider-Man and the Lizard were just horrible.

If there was one thing I was impressed with, it was that you didn’t kill the bad guy by having him fall off something really high and have the hero make a last ditched attempt (failed) to save him. That seems to happen in every superhero movie. I was impressed you took the high road.

I would like to see a Luke Cage/Iron Fist movie. That, I would pay to see. Unlike the rest of this franchise. I will not pay to see any of that.

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3 responses to “Two minute movie review: The Amazing Spiderman

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